Robin Norgren - Well of Creations. My Creative Peace.

2011-07-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

Robin Norgren - Artist.Writer.Mama.

"Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night"-Glade Byron Addams

I can't believe that September 2011 is my three year anniversary for starting my blogging adventure. Anyone will tell you that when you first start blogging, most times you really do not know where you are going to do with it; you simply BEGIN.

CLICK HERE to see that very first post.

When I started I was grasping at something that I can now describe as a creative life. I have always liked writing but mostly the writing would come out in journals riddled with the pain of past experiences and repeated mistakes. Even when I started this space, I was smack dab in the middle of:

huge amounts of credit debt and financial stress
husband preparing to deploy to Kuwait
being a stay at home mom of a toddler with no family support
major identity crisis about my life in general

So fast forward to a month shy of that three year mark and:

We are within 6 months of being COMPLETELY credit debt free (student loans, ANOTHER STORY)
Hubby is finally heading home for longer than 3 months
Our two older children are out of the house
Our youngest one starts kindergarten
We are moving to another state

All this to say, I am going to transition my efforts towards encouraging and equipping others to find their creative peace. I have started a website in the last few months, have written 2 creativity workbooks and devotionals, blog about other Christian creatives that have inspired me, and am in the process of writing a workbook focusing on the Psalms.

I can't thank you guys enough for sharing your courage with me throughout these three years. I hope to connect with you again in these new venues as well.

Sincerely and By God's Grace,

Robin

Life as Art

2011-07-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

I am so pleased to announced that I am now offering my original art on canvas. For details on these and other pieces available for sale,

CLICK HERE

Beautiful

2011-07-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

If you have not heard of Karen Walrond of Chookooloonks, please allow this beautiful piece to be the introduction into a shower of loveliness...

Collaborations

2011-07-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

Here is a peek into my newest Creative Workbook/Devotional

I used the same format as the first workbook in the series "My Creative Peace" which includes creative and spiritual exercises. THIS TIME AROUND it is a self paced 4 week study and includes artists interviews as well. I share with you my journey into my FIRST creative collaboration and the ups and downs of the process.

Here's a bigger peek inside the workbook:

Available now:

As a workbook-CLICK HERE

As a PDF Download-CLICK HERE

Work and Rest

2011-06-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

My lovely friend Abigail of Shine on Child shared this artist on her blog. His sound is so pleasing to the soul that I found myself listening to this video over and over as I worked through the constant chaos of my inbox.

If you like him, he kindly offers his CD FOR FREE: CLICK HERE

Getting Quiet

2011-06-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

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Over the last couple of months I was on a mission to detangle my life. The decisions I was making right when I came back from Germany had my life all tied up in knots and full of rat tails. Good things. So many good things. But I felt so very depleted. And no one seemed to notice. I was so spent that when my hubby came home last week to visit my stomach was STILL all tied up in knots.

But last week and continuing into this week, I have made some deliberate changes. I am on my yoga mat at least 5 days a week. I am starting my mornings reading the Bible just simply to be read by the Bible. I need to be reminded of how BIG God used to be in my life. And our family is beginning to prepare for the new changes to come: Hubby coming home and my youngest starting school. With our two older boys out of the house and our financial distresses FINALLY coming to an end, we are freed up in a lot of ways to make changes that we always talked about making.

But first, I needed to get quiet...

Mercy

2011-06-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

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Five solid days away from computers and phones and our day to day cares. And I am feeling light and airy and lifted. How easily we get so bogged down. All of our good intentions intentions to do the good things and be the right person for the job and hang in there because that is what would be the easier thing to do.

I have written over the last few weeks about how I said "yes" to too many things. Pressured into saying "yes" and then ostracized for finally saying "enough." This past week was a good indicator that things really can go on without me needing to try this or chat about that or be a part of this. Maybe it is just OK to stay in my own lane, help when I am able, give until it hurts and then encourage others to do the same.

The mercy I felt this week was from sitting with my Bible and just reading through the book of Ruth (in the Old Testament of the Bible). The twists and turns of the story. The random events coming together and then suddenly not looking so random. Oh how I hope that this will be true of my story. The randomness I have felt over the last three years makes me wonder sometimes.

Be the Difference...

2011-06-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

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Love

2011-05-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Love is a funny thing. Sometimes you have to withhold something in order to find its value. Sometimes the withholding is intentional, other times it is a more subtle decision. Many times it is without me recognizing the movement.

But then... the lost is felt. Then... the loss is mourned. And if we haven't waited too long, the pursuit is on again and good results are within reach. The pursuit to gain back what was lost or what has been missing.

My writing is a love. Reading is a love. My hubby DEFINITELY a love. And after weeks and months of seeming loss in all these areas for those reasons listed above, the pursuit is on. The love is real. AND The prize is attainable. In all three areas.

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The Plans

2011-05-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am definitely loving this mode of communication more than I thought I would. Pictures and music are my #2 and #3 ways to connect behind words. I hope you are finding connection within the space as well.

Moving Forward

2011-05-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

I got it into my head last week that I really wanted to start to explore the idea of making inspirational mini movies. Short, sweet, encouraging and GOD filled. Here is my first attempt at it. I think I really am hooked on a new thing. Enjoy and be encouraged.

Leave your YOUTUBE or Vimeo links in the comments.

I would love to see what you are doing.

Collaboration

2011-05-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months I have shared how I was knee deep in collaborations in quite a few different projects. I am amazed at how much you can learn about yourself and others when the goal is to come to consensus.

The hardest thing ever.

I put together a devotion documenting the experiences and the ways in which I kept balance with my own identity as an artist while working in tandem with the collective goal. This workbook does not have to be worked through in tandem with

my first workbook

ALL INFO found in the workbooks is FRESH AND NEW - not found on ANY OF THE BLOGS I contribute to. AND The new workbook includes ARTIST INTERVIEWS.

I would love to hear what you think.

Blessed

2011-05-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

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We are in the final weeks of this bible study and I find myself struggling with the idea of Blessing. Are we supposed to ask for blessings? Am I supposed to ask for blessings?

Last week's focus was on Jacob. Jacob is a guy who was always looking for the blessing. He tricked his brother into verbally giving him his rights as the first born son in his culture. Then he tricked his father (with his mother's help) with having the first born's blessing bestowed upon him. Finally he wrestles with God through the night and requests directly "Bless me."

I am spending time trying to reconcile being that forthright with what I already recognize as my many blessings: a healthy family, a home, money to pay the bills, living in the United States. When I have so much, does it seem reasonable to ask to be blessed even more? I feel like I take a more indirect approach that sounds like this: "if you want to bless me GOD I would love it!" But again I do not know if that is any different than what Jacob is doing; he is simply being more upfront about it.

Read more here: Genesis 27-31, Old Testament of the Bible

Be Still

2011-05-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

I mentioned over here about a group Bible study I am in. This week we tackled the story of Mary and Martha. Given the opportunity to sit with Jesus and listen to what is on his heart, each of the women made difference choices. One took care of the hospitality and one sat with Jesus. This week I sat with this: Jesus allowed each woman to make her own choice. This speaks to me about what a gentleman Jesus is in my life. He will NOT impose a choice on me.

To read more, visit Luke 10:38-42, New Testament of the Bible

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Move

2011-04-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

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Falling In Love

2011-04-19T15:25:00.000-07:00

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17 Old Testament of the Bible

I did this bible study with a friend about ten years ago. At the time I was single with a thirteen year old and was one of those people who had grown weary of looking for love in all the wrong places. This bible study is the first one where I really began to understand that GOD did not simply make me but that He knew how He made me and he LOVED ME. Pretty powerful stuff for a girl who does not have a good relationship with either parent.

So when a member of a bible study group I have been a part of for about six months mentioned this book, I was pretty excited about starting it. Little did I know that I had moved to a place in my heart with GOD where I was too bogged down to really connect with Him anymore. I got overcommitted. And in an effort to keep up with the study I plowed through week 1and 2 with little thought other than get the blanks filled.

But Friday evening (yes the same day that I talk about over here) at the end of week 2 in a chapter called "Come Rain or Come Shine" my heart was suddenly touched again. And I knew. GOD help get me out of this mess I have gotten myself into. The overcommitted mess. Then it was reinforced with news I came across about a blogger attempting suicide whose spouse is deployed in the military. It hit me hard. The lack of understanding of how military deployments wear ON THE FAMILY. It is no joke.

So things are coming off the plate...

Because I KNOW when to say "when"...

Currently Reading: Saying Yes

2011-04-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

I was instantly drawn to this book because of it cover. I LOVE a great cover. The author, Cindy West, tells her story of how she was looking for validation within the standard church setting of her creative gifts. She has served in the capacity of director over different types of creative projects and was candid about the temptation for the artist even within the church setting to take on a "diva" complex once one gets comfortable in a church that embraces the arts. West also offers what she calls linger moments for you as the artist to gauge your own creative journey.

I was thrilled to find a book that addressed the area that I find myself to be passionate about. West does a lovely job of sharing her struggles in her life as a Christian artist yet at the same time encourages others to pursue it as a fulfilling way of life.

Here It is...

2011-04-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to announce the arrival of the website for "My Creative Peace."

CLICK HERE TO VIEW FOR YOURSELF

Going Going...

2011-03-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

The finishing touches are coming together for the My Creative Peace website. I cannot tell you how much I am learning about the different nuances of creativity. I mean there are things I want to create and then there are things that feel like I was born to create. I truly hope that people find these resources a valuable help to both their creative and spiritual journeys.

Here is a sneak peek of the blog: OVER HERE

Book Review: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

2011-03-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since I have read a book that either isn't a designated book group assignment or is something that has to do with tweaking my business or expanding my creative potential. And to be honest, I needed something...

This is a book that a friend of mine gave me for Christmas which I was very excited about. She introduced me to this author through his book "Blue Like Jazz" which I enjoyed very much. It is funny to see the review on the jacket of the book from Anne Lamott who is one of my ALL TIME favorite authors.

Anyway, I am going to be honest. I do not really remember the details of this book other than it is Miller's realization that if his life was ever turned into a movie it would not be worth watching. At some point, he had STOPPED LIVING. If you have read the last few posts here, you might have noticed before I did how I was smack dab in the middle of that same dilemma. Going through the motions until my man comes home. This of course was masked behind the busyness of the business.

Again, I do not recall SPECIFIC details of the book but I know that as I would read a bit each night I began to feel a shift in priorities. The shift crescendoed this past week when I ABRUPTLY let go of three different tasks that just needed to END. AND... I have my eyes on three more things. So this book without me being conscious of it, READ ME.

Missing Germany

2011-03-17T07:57:00.000-07:00


My little one one of our MANY outdoor excursions in Germany

As a Valentine's gift for my hubby this year, I put together a photo book of our time in Germany. My hubby and I have very different takes on the experience. His time in Germany has been the most fulfilling time of his life. I feel very proud and happy to support this time in his life. At the same time, I would say it was one of the toughest periods of my life.

Something silly started to come to the surface as I was putting the book together. This realization that I have not really picked up a camera since I have gotten home to Arizona. I have a few theories. One is I felt so isolated in Germany. I felt like the camera was some sort of reminder to look for the loveliness. I also think I was keeping some record that I was still a part of the world.

A new theory is that the place IS beautiful. The seasons changing, the greenery, the history, the architecture all seems to sit in STARK CONTRAST to our residence in the United States. I will admit it. The desert DOES NOT inspire me. My creativity is more of a discipline here.

So what do I do with that?

Goals and Dreams

2011-03-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

"She planted the Seeds..." - Available Now

I came across a list when I was cleaning (I mean moving stacks from one place to another place.) The top of the list said "dreams for 2011"

I want to make $600 a month with the business
Ecourse
Learn how to podcast
Re-engage with church

Well here we are a quarter of the way into the year and you know from the LAST POST that I have accomplished #2 and #4. What a great start, right? I am definitely learning that with goals they have to be tangible. #4 is kind of funny because I remember writing that down and thinking WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? Obviously SOMETHING INSIDE ME KNEW...

Transitioning

2011-03-06T07:59:00.000-08:00

I have had a whirlwind of change going on over here. I can't believe that hubby was here two weeks ago on leave. And in those two weeks, I have said "YES" to a couple of major things:

becoming a preschool director for a start up church
co-facilitating a Mending the Soul group for the first time
finals edits are being done on a kid's yoga children's book

These things feel like they are bringing me back to my purpose. This year marks 4 years since I graduated from Fuller Seminary and I have struggled in my heart and on this blog the reasons for why I even took that step. This year seems to be the year that this all fits. Josey heads off to kindergarten in a matter of months. The stress and tension I used to feel over finances and loneliness due to hubby's deployments are starting to subside a bit. And I feel a bit more settled in my identity. I LOVE that I can connect creativity with my faith. I LOVE the idea of putting the two together and helping others to do the same. The process of writing the creativity workbook really made some things click as far as next steps. And I am VERY PLEASED with this new direction.

New Directions

2011-02-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

Soon...
this space will transition into "My Creative Peace"
I will give you details as I move forward. But for now, my target date is Summer 2011.

I am incredibly excited about this and I hope you will be pleased by the evolution.

My Creative Peace: The Workbook

2011-02-15T07:10:00.000-08:00

Faith and Change

2011-02-07T06:40:00.000-08:00

I am reading the book "Mere Christianity" by C. S. Lewis with a couple of my friends. We met each other when my little one was about 18 months old through a mom's group that one of the friends put together. We are moving into a new phase of our friendships as the kids are getting older and I am so so pleased to be a part of it. It is so nourishing to be able to talk about my faith and specifically to challenge and question and REAFFIRM the things I believe. And while I have read this book before, I am reading it with new eyes and a new heart in part because THIS TIME it is not required reading for me but I think also because it is in the light of friendship and in seeing the different challenges we each have gone through as a result of being full time moms. At the core, I see how these beliefs have helped me in times when I have felt unsure about how things were turning out in my life. I see that "somehow" things really have come together beautifully.

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Worship

2011-02-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

The formula for a day of rest: QUIET + PAINT = WORSHIP

When I woke up yesterday, I could feel the ingredients coming to together for a recipe of a different kind of day. I have a new project that I am working on with a dear friend and fellow Christian yoga instructor that is vibrant and exciting but also stretching and terrifying...

But here I was with an open heart and an open schedule...

And I am so very pleased by the results on the page as well as in my heart. I will share more soon on the continuation of My Creative Peace

Peace

2011-01-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

“Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with scoffers. But they delight in doing everything the LORD wants; day and night they think about his law. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season without fail. Their leaves never wither, and in all they do, they prosper.”

 Psalms 1:1-3 Old Testament of the Bible, New Living Translation

Doing the right thing, making the hard decisions no matter how it seems to slow down the progress I am ready to make IS DIFFICULT. I had an opportunity to go for a scholarship offered through a major department store. It made me TINGLE just to think about the opportunity. I wanted it so badly that I was already visualizing when I got the acceptance letter.

Except... well I am still a military wife with a husband who is deployed and a little one who depends on me to keep her life feeling OK while he is away. And try as I might to rationalize that I could have help with her and could cover any residual costs from taking the opporunity, I have decided the timing is not right...not right now.

But, I will tell you I am still trying to come up with a way to make it the right time....

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Wish

2011-01-18T07:14:00.000-08:00

"For it is GOD who works in you to will and to act according to HIS good purpose"

Phillipians 2:13, New Testament of the Bible

So I looked up the following words in Biblical Greek, the original language in which the new Testament was written:

Work - to put forth power

Will - to desire, to wish, to be resolved, to determine

act (also "do") - be at work

For it is GOD who puts forth power to desire, to wish, to determine and to be at work according to HIS good purpose.

There are times where I can feel this occurring in my life and I am not happy about the process by which GOD is bringing circumstances together. But time and again I am AMAZED that while I think I would prefer to be in control of my own destiny (and to some extent I can unravel the good/hard/uncomfortable in my life) when I yield to the DISCOMFORT, the things I wish do not begin to compare to the things HE WISHES FOR ME...

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Good

2011-01-12T07:24:00.000-08:00

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him” Lamentations 3:21 -25, Old Testament of the Bible

The climb has begun up 2011. This is a pretty pivotal year for our family financially. This is the year, if all goes as we hope that we will FINALLY be out of credit card debt. The last years have been so incredibly "hold your breath" stressful that we were ALWAYS a couple of months away from everything COMPLETELY tumbling down. Some INCREDIBLY hard decisions were made. Letting go of the house, one used car, hubby volunteering to be deployed for three straight years. The emotional tolls of course included isolation, loneliness, bouts of uncertainty and depression.

So interesting as we move into this pivotal year that I am feeling MORE SCARED. Will all the sacrifices be washed away by one SUDDENLY moment? Seriously, all I can do is cling to GOD's words and HOPE TO GOD they are true....

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The Hymns

2011-01-05T06:59:00.000-08:00

I absolutely ADORE how this band has refreshed the hymns for a new audience. Have a listen...

Traveling

2011-01-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

"Places Within..."

“...and GOD determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men and women would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.”-Acts 17:26-27 New Testament of the Bible

For seven months in 2010 I lived in my birthplace, Germany. When I began my stint there, so much of my time had to do with dealing with the shock and adjustments of having this life of mine turned UPSIDE DOWN. This morning, I thought about this verse and how it became INCREDIBLY SIGNIFICANT for me in 2010. At the appointed time, I found myself in a place that was completely foreign to me yet at the same time is the place I was born. At it is in the place, I got to KNOW MYSELF...

"For in him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28

Freedom

2010-12-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

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"His disability actually became his freedom. His limitations in one area redirected his full release to another like a pressure cooker that finally found a spout"

-Beth Moore talking about Lee Sizemore, visionsary behind Beth Moore's Video Driven Bible Study Series

2010 has been a year of limitations for the sake of expansion in my life. It boggles my mind really. Loss is never welcome. The pain, the transition, the weariness, the hesitation to move forward - ALL THESE THINGS have to be overcome before one can BEGIN AGAIN...

And yet, here I am looking into the horizon of 2011 and I feel STRONG. I feel some weight has been taken off me both emotionally and psychologically that I was never meant to carry. And I physically feel LIGHTER than I have in a long time.

So LEAN INTO the limitation GOD has brought into your life. IF YOU CLEARLY RECOGNIZE it is from GOD, it IS for YOUR GOOD.

Invasion

2010-12-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

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"Although we may have something unhealthy deep inside us, those in whom Christ dwells also have something so infinitely healthy that if it would invade the rest of us, we would be healed."

- Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity

I kept reading these words over and over again this morning. They resonate SO DEEPLY with what I have been experiencing over the past few years. Life 's disappointments do not have quite the same effect. Before they would wrestle me down into a season of depression and lethargy. Before I would go on automatic pilot and tune out anything other than "my problem." Before I would look at other's triumphs and rehearse how unfair life is to me. Before...

NOW, even when I try to go there, I become bored with my own pity party. I do not want to waste the energy on those thoughts. I want to see GOD's hope shining through my circumstances. I NEED TO... I MUST...

Alignment

2010-12-16T05:52:00.000-08:00

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"Perhaps...somewhere deep inside you entertain the lie that you know yourself better than GOD knows you and that you've somehow hidden something from his omniscient eye" -Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity

This week I began (again) to question the direction my life has taken in the last few years with starting a creative business . I started to wonder if I was "playing small" by hiding behind things to keep me busy, hiding the wounds I have felt in an effort to get past this idea that I am theologically trained yet unable to get a job in an traditional church. Reading this book "So Long Insecurity" has forced me to ask myself: am I pretending about who I am because it somehow seems less risky?

And lo and behold, I found out through FACEBOOK THIS WEEK that some dear friends who are pastors of a local church had two paying positions available. IMMEDIATELY I sent an email inquiring about the job. And then about 30 minutes later, I thought WHAT HAVE I DONE!

I love the NEW DESIGN of my life so much. But I am still unsure if this is truly ME. My life right now is SO INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT than I would have ever imagined for myself. Is that OK?

Insecurity

2010-12-12T07:25:00.000-08:00

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"We all have insecurities. The question is whether or not our insecurities are substantial enough to hurt, limit, or even distract us from profound effectiveness or fulfillment of purpose."

-Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity

Our book group has started reading the book "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore. I have been going back and forth on whether I needed to read this. That is UNTIL I read these words found in the opening pages. I think that every time you start to move out of the molds people have defined for you into the places where you are not even sure yet you are capable of going, insecurity WILL rear its head.

I am definitely looking forward to seeing where it is that I am getting in MY OWN WAY. Has anyone read this book?

Taking Inventory

2010-12-09T06:41:00.000-08:00

This week marks one year that I moved all of our belongings into a 10x10 storage room. Tuesday was the first time I had the courage to go and tackle retrieving some of the things we really need (like beds!).

It is definitely packed floor to ceiling. As some of you may remember this has been a whittling process for our family. Three years ago, we went from a 1700 square foot house with a garage (to keep all those things we absolutely need -haha!) to a 1000 square foot apartment with a standard closet for storage. Then this past year with our move to Germany, we had to once again shrink the inventory to this 10x10 space.

Here's our oldest-definitely a help for this process to have a grown kid ;)

So once we got the beds out of the space, I realize HONESTLY we could let all of this go. We have been back in the United States almost four months now and other than the beds (oh and probably my books which were stacked way too far in the back to get to) I could have easily called someone to take it away sight unseen. This restructure on my year this year has definitely felt like I have been broken down. Yet as I stepped inside that room, I could feel it. The rebuilding has begun...

Renewed

2010-12-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

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"Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise His holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all His benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things,

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

-Psalm 103: 1-5 Old Testament, the Bible

Freedom does not look like we think it should. Neither does healing or redemption. I felt it this year in conversations, affirmations, solitude, loneliness. I feel my soul being changed, my heart being healed, my mind becoming more sound. There is always more space for growth. I want to REMEMBER THAT. Not in an obsessive way, but resting in the understanding that when the time is right and even when I think I am not ready, the gentle heart of GOD knows me.

Where do you find yourself in this Psalm today?

Hope Through Art

2010-12-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

Hope Thru Art: Portland from Matt Beem on Vimeo.

I had the privilege of getting to know Matt Beem this Thanksgiving weekend. Take a few minutes to check out this mini documentary about Art as a means to share Jesus with your community.

Joyful Still

2010-11-29T06:36:00.000-08:00

We have been home about 24 hours now. I still cannot believe how much traveling we have done in the last 27 days: Germany, France, Spain, Portugal, Colorado. We arrived in Arizona to find the whole place transforming for the Winter holidays. I sit here thinking about how amazing this has been for me to go with the flow and just let the expectations for this year go. 11 months ago, I thought I was going to Germany to find a craft community and work the craft fair circuit while my hubby was working and my daughter attended preschool. The only thing that held true is that my hubby was working ALOT.

But, nevertheless, when I finally stopped fighting for what I wanted this adventure to be, I find I experienced a personal, hand crafted adventure tailored to me. I found that craft community via the internet and those bonds are stronger than I could have imagined. My thoughts on what home means have changed significantly too. Home begins with me. If I did not feel at home within ME despite the circumstances...well I think this year would have gone in a different direction. Instead, I look at myself in the mirror and I SMILE and think, "hey this is YOU!" And the internal feelings are are cool...

Which Door are you Looking At?

2010-11-23T17:06:00.000-08:00

"When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -Alexander Graham Bell

We headed back to Arizona yesterday. Our last week together as a family held so many sweet little moments that it would be very easy to dwell on the separation instead of allowing it to refuel us for the many months we still need to go through apart.

The last week we spent going to places that now feel familiar to me. As my mister would drive, I would know exactly where he was headed. We could talk about the last time we were there and remind ourselves of another place that has the same feel to it. We both marvel at how fast this year has gone. I had more of a tolerance for the constant gray the fall season brings in Germany knowing I would be back in sunny spaces (at least weather wise) in a matter of a few weeks.

So this morning I am thinking about the open doors. I am choosing to... because this time apart WILL NOT BE VOID of growth and perseverance.

The adventure

2010-11-19T08:10:00.000-08:00

"I am not an adventurer by choice but by fate."-Vincent Van Gogh

This week we arrived back in Germany and the family took a walk on this road. A simple road with rocks and fields on one side and a roadway on the other. But man oh man this road holds so much emotion for me. My life this past year has been walked out on this road.. When the weather finally got decent enough to go out for a walk, I purchased a stroller and filled my ipod with this podcast and I would walk this road. I would try to keep my sanity from the constant isolation here in Germany by going on this road and watching my days, the weeks, my seasons change along with nature's. I took things one moment at a time some days...

But here I am, the year almost gone, and I have become 'ME' - the "me" I could not invent. The 'me' that feels so open and JOYFUL (does anyone even say that anymore?). In one instant I think where has this year gone and in another I look at this road and KNOW HOW MUCH WORK was done here...

All this to say, my life was tempered for a little while for whatever 2011 will bring.

Weigh Less to Feed More

2010-11-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

Well, I have to begin this post by telling you I was a bit skeptical as to why I felt like GOD would want me to join in on this 8 week course. I was not in the market to lose weight and, while I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND anything having to do with Alisa Keeton, I had already committed to being a part of two other groups and was preparing to leave for Germany in the next couple of weeks. The reality is because of the start date, I would have to complete the last three weeks another time because the days would be filled with travel and limited internet access. But I signed up...

From the Weigh Less to Feed More Blog:

"Questions to chew on:
1. What is weighing me down? (remember, this isn't a weight issue in pounds, but in burdens, hardships, hurts, pains, etc)
2. What has kept me from change?
3. Why am I ready now?
4. What price am I willing to pay?"

So I am here to tell you that I have experienced incredible realizations about emotional eating these past two weeks that I do not think I would have really connected with had I not participated in this course. And I think I am experiencing it to a higher degree because I am more aware of what an incredible vehicle creativity has become in my life. I would highly recommend taking this e-course. It is not SIMPLY about weight loss but getting at what is WEIGHING YOU DOWN.

To learn more, CLICK HERE

Normal

2010-11-13T07:05:00.000-08:00

We have had a whirlwind of activity on this end. In the last ten days, we have been in Germany, Spain, and Portugal spending too many hours on the in between of it all-driving in cars, flying on planes, checking in and out of 'homes', attempting to navigate language for simple things like eating and finding a rest room.

We are prepping to head out in about a day back to Germany for our last few days here with the Mister and then we are back to NORMAL. Because the reality is the bubble we are in right now is NOT NORMAL. And the reality is that I have lost track of what is NORMAL. This is OUR normal. So I cling to ways where I can feel normal and keep Josey's life normal. I am trying to regroup for when we go back to life without the Mister, the reality that when he does come home, we will have to figure out NEW normals. Because his job right now is causing him to see too much of the hard side of war. And all I can do is pray that when he does come home, NORMAL will be enough...

Shifting our Gaze

2010-11-08T06:06:00.000-08:00

The Norgrens in Seville, Spain 

   A couple of weeks ago I went to a friend's church and her pastor was teaching on Marriage.  One comment that stuck with me is the idea that when a couple first starts out, they spend much of their time focusing at each other.  But the goal of a successful marriage is that they ultimately are gazing in the same direction.  Not necessarily that they have IDENTICAL interests, but that their goals separate and together are complimentary to the union.

       Having just recently celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary with a large part of the last three years spent apart, I wonder sometimes if this shift in gaze is happening for us.  Can it really occur while we are apart?  This past week feels like finally some things are aligning for us as a couple.  As he has been pursuing his goals and dreams, some dreams in me have been unearthed. Dreams in me that I would not even have thought to pursue.  So while I hate doing so much of our family life apart, I am thankful to be able to see what issues are working themselves out that maybe could not have adjusted had we done these last years a tad more conventionally.

Adjustments

2010-11-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

So we are settling into having the Mister with us and it has been lovely. Each time we have a separation, I feel very anxious about how quickly we will become comfortable with each other again. Silly things like being in the car together and connecting on where to go and what to do are things that have to be relearned. The first day Mike was driving somewhere and Josey says, "Mommy where are we doing?" and I just chuckled because the man has to get used to telling the girls where he is going!

Anyway, the surprise twist in these first few days is Josey's attachment to ME. I have been preparing myself for how life at least for the first week was going to be "The Daddy Show." But the first night Josey surprised both of us by just wanting to talk to Mommy about something. Then the second night, a similar situation happened, tears included. Both he and I missed the part where Josey might have to transtion with SHARING MOMMY...

Some Thoughts on Friendship

2010-10-31T06:49:00.000-07:00

Josey and her friend Rachael - photo credit

I love the power that a good friendship can bring into a woman's life. I saw this pic taken by my dear friend and I thought if I could instill in my daughter the beauty of this magical relationship, I really will feel like I have made a lifelong impact on her life even when I am gone. Sadly, my mother unwittingly passed on this idea of friendships with women as something that could never to be trusted. And for many years, I really absorbed that idea. I did not make what I now see as my first long term friendship until about 12 years ago (I am now 42). Definitely a long time to go through my life without experieincing the power of femininity in communuty.

I will admit that this new life of mine where I am moving and transitioning with the needs of my husband's career has really taken a toll on a few friendships. Add to this the experience of starting a new business and for some reason indentity issues begin to exhert themselves. We are all just girls trying impact the world in some small way. But I also recognize that the forms this identity crises appear in is masked in jealousy, defensiveness, anger.

But, I have chosen not to buy into the hurt that caused my mother to isolate from the MANY BENEFITS of what this expereince can bring to our lives (if we let it). At the same time, I have gained a bit more understanding of my mother's choices...

Navigation

2010-10-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

photo credit

"God's word is the spiritual nourishment you must have to fulfill your purpose." -Rick Warren

Referring to the Bible, Warren goes on to say that we cannot FULLY live without the active quality of the words found in the Bible working in our lives. Specifically, living life that defers my personal goals for success and watching and listening for the cues that guide and direct me to a more intricate rendering of who I have been made to be.

The older I get, the more I settle into that more deeply. The shocks of childhood circumstances have left a residue of fear, shock, uncertainty of what my future was supposed to hold. But as I continue to recognize things that I thought were true about my identity have turned out to be false and recognize that I have been blinded to in terms of the whole of my story, I begin to shift my inside thoughts and feelings which then helps to navigate my outward steps. My navigation system? The Bible.

True Salt and Light

2010-10-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

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Matthew 5:14-16 - "You are the light of the world. A city on the hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before all, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven." (New Testament of the Bible)

This week I have been thinking about these words that are very familiar to me. How am I doing? How am I acting? Does what I believe line up with how I am engaging the people around me? Yesterday I experienced a deepening of this message within me.

"Christlikeness is about transforming your character, not your personality" -Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

Many times I mistakenly think that somehow this Christian journey MY JOURNEY must line up with the expectations of others "right thinking" which might include:

foods we eat

company we keep

political views

ideas we hold

And this is true to some extent. But really REALLY the one and only MOST IMPORTANT thing we hold true to is this:

WHO IS JESUS?

HOW DOES THAT AWARENESS AFFECT YOUR LIFE?

Stepping into my Life...

2010-10-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

Artist: Rachel Awes - CLICK HERE to view more of her beautiful words and work

This week I came across this post over on Lauren's Blog about writing a letter to her thirty something self. This got me to thinking. Ten years from now I will be my FIFTY SOMETHING SELF. This revelation has been sitting in my spirit all week...

I purchased this beautiful piece you see above from Rachel's shop and I Adore it. It felt like me right now. I mean right IN THIS MOMENT. It saddens me to think I have been allowing criticism for not "settling down" into a smaller life for myself. And when I say that I do not in any way imply that other lives are smaller or less significant than mine. What I mean is that there is something stirring in me RIGHT NOW that I must listen to, or else ... well I will have much regret.

The reality is that in ten years, I will be 52. While that is not old, the reality is time is ticking and I am not even promised ten more years. And timing is everything. I MUST move into what is calling me forward.

Anyone else at that place?

Enough

2010-10-13T17:50:00.000-07:00

Autumn Film is a band I was introduced to a few years ago and their approach to music and the depth of their lyrics...well you will just have to give it a listen.

The song "Enough" -
"My heart's been ripped right open by all the things I do not need...
Your heart's been ripped right open as I keep chasing other things..."

I would love to hear what you think.

One Thing I Know

2010-10-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Christine Prezant Photography

This weekend is my 8 year wedding anniversary. My deployed hubby was unavailable to chat with this weekend so it was more a time of acknowledging the places I am in my life right now. I have a few BIG STEPS I am taking in my life as an artist and a business woman which I hope to share very soon. One step I mentioned - building a website - called for me to have some updated photos taken. I just got them back last night and the one above is one of my favorites.

A picture can hold so much for the person who is being photographed. I see this woman who is so BLISSED OUT to be this little girl's mommy. I know I feel that but to see it coming through in a picture...well it feels INCREDIBLY intimate...

I want to take a moment to say to anyone who is reading that if you find yourself in a relationship where you are trying to retro fit GOD's promises to you, please for your own spiritual health and healing, let go... When I see this picture, I cannot help but think about 10 years earlier when I was trying to bandage this life I am living now over a life that was damaged, hurtful, hateful. All for the sake of keeping up appearances. All for the sake of trying to "be a Christian woman" INSTEAD OF Be still and know that HE Is GOD.... Those places you might be in that you think you must stay or GOD ______________________ (I will let you fill in that blank with you own NONTRUTH) let God's spirit help you rethink those positions.

ONE THING I KNOW - EVEN WHEN We are the ones who put ourselves into situations that were unhealthy and may even be mentally unable to get out of, GOD IS ABLE. GOD IS ABLE.....

God Smiles When...

2010-10-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

PHOTO CREDIT

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. HE Delights in every detail of their lives" -James 4:7, New Testament of the Bible

"I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast, and when I run, I feel God's pleasure" -From the Film Chariots of Fire

A couple of girlfriends and I decided to start going through this book called "A Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. The book is broken up into a series of 40 conversations with a thought provoking question at the end of each segment. Day 9 is titled "What Makes GOD smile?" Our group will be getting together later today to discuss the week's worth of questions but this one I will admit I am MOST excited to hear their answers on. For me, it reminds me that GOD gives us the permission to DREAM. Many times when the kids come along or when a series of circumstances knock us into a tailspin... well we forget what we used to smile about (let alone what God is pleased with).

So today, this week, sometime soon, answer this question for yourself: What stirs up that passion and pleasure within you?

I feel that smile when I am doing a creative act, whether it be painting or crocheting or dreaming up new projects...

And you?

Risk

2010-09-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

photo credit

Risk. Lately I have been breathing through some huge steps. Fighting through some old demons of "who does she think she is?" Whispers of "you're not smart enough" and "you're not creative enough" and "what's that thing you do again?"

But here I am. Here WE ALL ARE. Do we continue to look at others and mourn the things we are not attempting? Do we continue to look at the flaws in what others are trying so we can rationalize out stationary position?

Or...

Do we Jump?

The Right to Hope

2010-09-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

photo credit

Week 3 of the "Believing God" Bible Study by Beth Moore has an intriguing title: Believing GOD can do what HE says HE can do"

What an almost absurd thing to have to establish, right? But the reality is I live like GOD used to do these things that are chronicled in the Bible and they are nice anecdotes for a time very different from my own. Beth says we need to challenge our thinking - have we fallen into the following cycle:

"We believe little, so we see little, so we believe little, so we see little..."

I have seen in the last two weeks more than I have "seen" in a very long time. Is this just coincidence? Or am I consciously looking for the prayers I place before GOD to have some sort of response? Would the conclusions and answers that I am recognizing as such have happened whether or not I acknoweldged that something needed to occur? Well, everyone has to decide for themselves how they want to view those cause/effect scenarios. For the next ten weeks, I have commited to have eyes to see...

This Creative Peace Part V: Germany

2010-09-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

This is the final installment of this series. Click HERE to read the other segments.

This one has taken me a while to put together. I came back to the United States July 30, 2010. So I guess it has been about 6 weeks. I knew that I had been "productive" while I was away but I guess I really did not take stock until a few people mentioned this. So I posted a 6 month review over HERE if you are interested in checking it out.

But in this space, I guess I wanted to close this series out by saying... I felt like I needed to go back to my birthplace. I do not understand why. But I do not think it is a coincidence that it was in Germany (my birth place) that my creativity went into overdrive. I created like it was air to breathe. I created like it was water for a dying woman. Things came from me that I look at now and go "how did I know to do this?" Why did it take until I was 42 to even experience this kind of DEEP satisfaction? Why did it take breaking away from everything that defined me to tap into it. Why was I afraid to come back?

I am still sifting through the answers. But I can tell you one thing. I do believe there was always an artist living in me. I was just looking to others to soothe that muscle rather than wanting to work that muscle for myself. But no longer. Now my mission is to help others find what may have been lost due to traumas beyond their control. So I now wait to see what form that will take...

Create in me...

2010-09-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

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Psalm 51:10- "Create in me a pure heart, O GOD, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

A portion of week 2's homework had me looking at the word "CREATE" in Hebrew, the original language of the Old Testament. I approached this pretty nonchalantly, having heard this verse before as a source of hope. Maybe even tapping into it a bit more, now that I have been pursuing my interests as a creative business person.

Create - to transform from nothing, with GOD always as the subject (the one who is performing the action).

So...when I am at the place where my heart is heavy with misunderstanding or hurts or wrong motives and I feel like I cannot DO ENOUGH to tip the scales back to a place where I am at peace in my surroundings...

"God does not form clean hearts in us with our existing materials of our righteous acts and self-disciplines. God creates pure hearts from nothing in repsonse to our sincerest repentance and desire to be pure BEFORE HIM." -Beth Moore

What occurs to me this morning is along with this desire being fulfilled, I am able to be steadfast (2nd half of the verse) in whatever I may still need to deal with in the circumstance that might have caused me to fall off course.

What else comes from this understanding of "create" that speaks to your heart?

By Faith

2010-09-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

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"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7 New Testament Bible

We finished our first week of the Believing God bible study by Beth Moore. The last day's homework had us look at this verse and examine the words "faith" and "sight" in the original language of the new Testament: Greek.

Faith - to make due use of opportunities

Sight - the external or outward appearance, form, shape

We live by "making due use of opportunities," not by "the external or outward appearance" (of what I see).

This has got me reexamining EVERYTHING. Not because I am not moving in those areas that I think I am supposed to just begin. More than anything, I am struggling with discouragement that I had anticpated certain outcomes as a result of this risk taking and they simply do not seem to be coming to fruition. I find many times I operate more comfortably when I have some sense of an end result-whatever that result might be. But lately, I am finding I am doing things I know I NEED to do WITHOUT having an explanation as to what the outcomes are. And that feels...well SILLY. EMBARASSING.ODD.

Anyone feeling that in some area of your life?

I Love Fridays (a guest posting)

2010-09-10T12:59:00.000-07:00

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I was so thrilled to be asked by Suzi to guest post on her regular Feature "I Love Fridays." You can check it out over here: CLICK HERE TO SEE THE POST

Untamed yet surrendered

2010-09-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

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"The spiritual life cannot be made suburban, It is always frontier, and we who live in it must accept and even rejoice that it remains untamed." -Howard Macey

"Week 1 we focused on why any rational, reasoning person should consider surrendering to a life of present active faith in God." -Beth Moore, Believing God workbook

These two realities coexisting seem impossible. Living a life of expectancy yet recognizing how "out of control" that type of life can be - dare I say it is maddening. But here I am longing for it, THIRSTING for it. A life that is not mediocre, not one crafted to my own comforts and my own preferences. Safe simply for the sake of control. Yet I can feel the fear rising from the act of surrender. And I will tell you this is why we do not go life alone. You need community for this type of living. There's that thing again....Community.

Do you have a community of people around you that help you to live an active faith?

Perserverance: Is it in You?

2010-09-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

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"We want to continue in our 'God - testing' unbelief and still see Him move mountains" -Beth Moore, Believing God Series

I read this comment during week 1 of the series coupled with a verse from the New Testament "according to your faith, it will be done with you (Matthew 9:29)" and I tell you it is like cracking open a new piece of fruit that I have never experienced before and ENJOYING IT to the point where I am questioning why I settled for simply the fruits I have been introduced to. I KNOW that I have not believed GOD could do something in my life which I haven't somehow FIRST calculated having an ability TO take care of ON MY OWN in a VERY LONG TIME.

When did I fall asleep? When did I decide the life I live is manageable enough, ACCEPTABLE ENOUGH and simply hit the snooze. The scary, CRAZY thing is I know another way to live. I had no choice to live that GOD HAS TO COME THROUGH KIND OF LIFE before. I would say in our financial situation that has definitely been true. And He has done MIRACULOUS things in that area for the last 5 years. I think more than anything it is the reality that THAT KIND OF FAITH take patience, LOTS AND LOTS OF PATIENCE. And preserverance. And that I know is waning in me...

Believing God: Take Two

2010-09-03T06:28:00.000-07:00

I saw an update on FaceBook this week from my church offering an online option for one of Beth Moore's studies. Having participated in a few of them before, I was happy to sign on and appreciated this option now that I am kind of in "single mom" status while hubby is deployed.

I picked up the book and realized that this was MY VERY FIRST study with Beth Moore over 5 years ago. Before:

*baby

*financial woes

*deployments

Very interesting to think back now about where my life was then. We were still very new in our marriage and I was still trying to be that perfect wife that I had been told to be: submissive, quiet, accomodating at all costs. I am amazed to see how that image has been shattered (for good) and how our marriage WOULD NOT have survivied had I continued in the Pretend role of who I was.

I am a few days into the study and this one line has stayed with me:

(referring to Romans 12:2) ' ...God's will is good, pleasing and perfect. It is NEVER dregading, it ia ALWAYS FULFILLING.

Freedom

2010-08-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

Galatians 5:1 - "It is for freedom that Jesus has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened by a yoke of slavery"

I heard this verse today in church and it has been mulling around in my head all day. That first sentence: why are we free from guilt and shame and the need to measure up? So that we can live in freedom from the things - secrets, lies, expectations, burdens - that we would maybe choose to settle for as our identity. Why would we ever choose to do that? Because the unknown TRULY can cause us to run back to the things we 'know,' 'understand,' 'are comfortable with.' Even if that identity does not fit ANYMORE...

This Creative Peace Part IV: Isolation

2010-08-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

From my Flickr archives

Matthew 16:25 - "The woman came and knelt before Jesus. 'Lord, help me, she said.'"

To read parts I-III of this series, Click Here

This phrase "Lord help me" is one of those phrases that has organically moved into my vocabulary during my most trying moments. It is a version of something my mother used to say as well: "Lord, have mercy." I had not noticed this "appearance" until recently when the little boy whose house we are staying at asked," why do you say 'Lord help me.' I answered, ' because I need to call on someone bigger than me when my strength is gone."

This thing called isolation is no laughing matter. I have felt it to the depths some days. Interestingly, I also acknowledge it as the genesis of my creative business. Here is a post where I explored this - CLICK HERE.

What unexpected transitions have occured for you due to isolation?

Weary

2010-08-15T06:46:00.000-07:00

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Matthew 11:28- "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon me and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Jesus' words

I found out over the weekend that my hubby is 95% certain to be staying in Germany until October 2011. I am taking it in like a punch in the gut but I can't seem to articulate why I am feeling this way. I am so very proud of him. He does work that matters and if you wanted to put someone in the position he is in which is dealing with the wounded of our fighting elite, my hubby is the guy you would pick. He cares.

But right now I am feeling the feelings of a wife. Back in my own set of trenches. and wondering if I have the stamina for this kind of life. I know to do the right things even when they do not feel good. I am simply weary.

Yesterday was a Good Day

2010-08-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

My oldest and my youngest and mama with a new 'do

Yesterday was the first time I had seen my oldest since my last trip home from Germany. We have had our struggles with how to engage with each other now that he is grown. To change the communication format from advice giver to friend is not an easy transition. But the last visit had me hopeful and this visit was very good. He was not afraid to say how much he missed me. I was a bit more open to letting go of feeling forgotten. It feels good where we are right now.

Strength

2010-08-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

Gearing up to find out what our family's fate is for the upcoming year. And with each year, you would think it would get a little easier-this waiting game. But it NEVER does.

We find out in a matter of weeks whether or not Germany is a part of our big picture. We know for sure that if it is, we will do things differently meaning that only my hubby will live in Germany and we will rely on his coming home for leave rather than traveling back and forth like we did last year. Besides the incredible resolve it took for me to handle the isolation, budget cuts are dictating that a second year will not include the "luxury" of accomodating a family there (meaning the extra year comes with a pay cut).

I tell you it is a blessing in disguise. I am not left with the tough decision of figuring out if I have it in me to do it again. I truly think that I do not. So we wait...

Final Days in Germany

2010-08-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

These are some pics we took on our final days in Germany

It was a very rainy week. But we made it a point to walk over to one of our favorite areas to play and feed the ducks (sass on my little one was spontaneous)

I am still in the process of adjusting to being back home in the States. I did not realize how incredibly tough it was to live in another country. Right now I will just say I am happy to be home.

Plant a Garden

2010-07-28T22:55:00.000-07:00

I have been overwhelmed WITH GRATITUDE these past few days by the outpouring of love and encouragment that I have experienced. Thank you. I wanted to tell you that one of the things we decided to do when we arrive in Arizona is to plant a garden. Our garden. Check out some books from the library and dig into some container planting system. As I was thinking about it, I realized this is what we have here. Together.. on this blog. On the web through Twitter or Face book or other social media, if we let it...

Thanks friends for being part of my garden.

Distraught

2010-07-27T02:08:00.000-07:00

This week the big shift is on again to move back to the United States from Germany. I have been pacing myself, trying to send boxes home a little at a time while trying to keep a makeshift studio together so that I will not go nuts sitting home isolated. This morning I woke up and felt a bit inspired and started working on some pieces in progress. While I was working, an idea popped in my head that would complete a piece I worked on earlier in the month. I went to the area where I have attempted to keep all my art things to find that it is...GONE. And not just that piece but a series I was working on as well...

I just want to cry. So much change. So much transition. And just when I am finally WILLING to persue this artist lfe. I know it will all work out and they are probably in one of my boxes that are in transition. I did photograph them so I am thankful for that. But how could I be so careless? And what if I put into an envelope of scrap items that I participated in swapping? And how will I ever know if that is what I did...

What does growth have to be so DIFFICULT?

This Creative Peace Part III - Mending the Soul

2010-07-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

Parts I and II of this journey are found CLICK HERE AND CLICK HERE

This workbook was my introduction into the concept of art as a tool for healing. I have been in support group type settings before where we would talk about feelings or we would write about feelings. Because I enjoy doing both, I thought both were excellent ways to get at the root of some deep seated issues.

However, I turned 40 and still felt this nagging at my soul that something still was not right. Like I was walking around in the world broken. I love GOD and consider this relationship my most important one. And yet, something was not right.

Enter Mending the Soul, an organization that offers support groups all around the world and uses art and poetry and music coupled with discussion and writing to get at the deeper things from a different angle. This UNSTUCK ME...

After I got past telling my story in a way I always told it, the work began. Surprising...heartmending...Cleansing...I came out of this experience OPEN TO a different life.

P.S. when you check out the website, your first impression is that the group is geared toward domestic violence survivors. I ASSURE you this WAS NOT my issue. My issues were geared around childhood neglect and relationships with men. The website will help you locate a group in your area.

Satisfied

2010-07-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

Psalm 107:9 - "For GOD satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with good things...."

(Some) of the memories captured...

2010-07-20T00:31:00.000-07:00

Venice, Italy inside a gondola

Beautiful public art found on the side of a church -Artist Unknown

my daughter

My heart is a little heavy today. In the last three weeks we were able to travel to both Paris and Venice. The way I take pictures when I am out and about is I gauge the shot based on whether it is worth the trouble to juggle everything a mama is usually carrying in order to capture the moment. Therefore, unlike my hubby who comes home with HUNDREDS of pics, I usually come home with about 10-15 of my favorite moments.

I have misplaced my Paris shots...

Can I just say the Eiffel Tower IS amazing?

Throughout my two years of blogging I have been pretty open about our struggle to come back from some seriously bad financial decsions. To have this year where I have visited these places....well I can take no credit for how I got here. I am still scratching my head. Nevertheless, I am so very grateful.

And... I do have my hubby's 300 pics as some consolation...

Friendship (in all its forms)

2010-07-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

Real Friends....Available in Print/See other options

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." CS Lewis

Friendship has been incredibly hard to navigate these past six months in Germany. I have found friendship in unexpected places (twitter, e-courses, fellow bloggers) and I have been overwhelmed by the openness and generosity of a listening ear just when I needed it.

In 15 days, I go back home to a life that has felt on hold because of the time zone issue and the distance. The isolation has been debilitating at times. But the work in my creative spirit has been incredible. I would not say I would choose the isolation again. But I definitely appreciate the fruits it has produced. I have learned new ways to recognize friendship. And it makes this journey easier…

This Creative Peace Part II - Holy Yoga

2010-07-11T00:26:00.000-07:00

Continuing on with the series I started over CLICK HERE...

I am finding it difficult to articulate this next milestone in my creative experience. This occurred about 3 years after the first experience. During that time I will still in denial of the purpose of that 30 day experience. Yet any time we had an assignment where we would choose the subject manner, I would select something that was art/creativity themed. I did a critique of a painting called “The Reading Lesson”- a piece of art where Mary the Virgin Mother is reading in a garden about what turns out to be her destiny. I did a persuasive speech based on a book called “How to Think like Da Vinci” by Michae J.Gelb –yes lots of pebbles on the road that I would look back to.

A chance meeting in 2006 of Holy Yoga’s founder Brooke Boon in a coffee shop, put a business card in my hand and planted another seed. I held onto the card and did not look at it again until 2007…

A series of events puts me in the Holy Yoga 200 hour teaching training retreat and the most profound experience I have had to date with the LIVING and WORKING IN THE WORLD TODAY GOD. A series of disappointments had occurred in my marriage which left me in a tailspin of how to get through and bear it and sustain the relationship. One day on the mat, after about an hour of practice, I lay in a resting pose where I heard as clear as day in my being…I SEE YOU….

The tears came, followed by the relief of being FULLY KNOWN in a way I know no human being can. It moved me and it moved me FORWARD….

More info on finding a class in your area can be found CLICK HERE

Things I will miss about Germany

2010-07-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

Some of the things I will miss about Germany:

*Walking around the neighborhood and seeing lovely flowers blooming EVERYWHERE they can be planted

*Small pieces of art painted on ordinary things like fuse boxes and electrical boxes

*the old and the new finding a way to live together

and Of course, my obsession with taking daddy/daughter pics

This Creative Peace Part I - Seminary

2010-07-06T01:39:00.000-07:00

Having recently completed THIS E-COURSE I wanted to connect with where the seeds were planted. Kelly Rae Roberts, the instructor of this course made a seemingly odd statement: her journey began when she completed running a marathon.

It got me to thinking: mine started the first class I took in seminary. We were all required to take a spiritual disciplines course. The instructor’s assignment was to practice a spiritual discipline for 30 days. Usually when I think of spiritual practices, things like prayer, singing, reading the bible, fasting come to mind. What came to my mind: make something creative for 30 days. This was back in 2003. Fuller seminary did not offer degrees yet for incorporating art and spirituality (that has since changed). I still had not thought of myself as a artistic person.

Some things I wished I would have taken seriously…

I misplaced BOTH THE ART PIECES AND THE JOURNAL THAT ACCOMPANIED IT. But that is where art began to take on a different space in my life…

My Progress in the Journey - in 5 Parts

2010-07-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago we experienced a rough week of stormy weather. The day we were finally able to get out, Josey and I came across this huge field and we followed our instincts AND RAN THROUGH IT!

Freedom...

I have been thinking about it quite a bit since going through a creative e-course offered through kelly rae roberts

How did I get to this creative space that I am in today (you can read more about it CLICK HERE )?

As far as I can tell, there are 5 MAJOR TRANSITIONS that have happened over about a span of 8 years. In the next coming weeks, I will be sharing with you in the hopes that:

maybe you will find yourself on a step I was on and find encouragement
or find yourself needing to begin and find courage
or are feeling the breakthrough with me and want a space to celebrate...

Our Visit to Strassbourg (or I can't believe I am in France!)

2010-06-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

You can't help but explore the churches here...

A little grafitti on the Parson's homestead... a bit sad...

I could do a whole series on Josey and Doors...

(Nope, not that one unfortunately!)

The intricate detail on Notre Dame

Puts the simplicity in a more MAJESTIC LIGHT….

We Must Have Cake

2010-06-24T21:28:00.000-07:00

A birthday ritual was started this year rather haphazardly. My girl does not think it is really someone's birthday unless there is cake involved. Her mama does not want leftover cake in the house. so...

There is this little bakery about three miles from our house that has become a refuge. We walk there about 3 times a week and the owners light up when we Come in...

Thanks so much for the beautiful thoughts you sent my way….

Wash Over Me

2010-06-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

The words from this song are on the top of my heart today:

Only You (G0D) can take this heart

Only You can take this mind

Only You can take this life

And make it look like Jesus

Stuff

2010-06-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

We experienced a flood in our basement home this week. Everything is fine now and the water was caught in time where hopefully the laminated floors will not show the effects for the next tenants that come along.

The aftershock is the thing. Because our landlords live right upstairs they were able to come down and help save our stuff. If you have been around this blog very long our 'stuff' has been in transtion for the last few years. We went from an 1900 square foot house to a 900 square foot apartment in 2007. Then with our move to Germany we packed that apartment into a 10'x10' storage space. We now live in a furnished 700 square foot furnished space. We have about 3 moving boxes worth of our creature comforts here. The bottoms of these boxes got wet in the flood; mostly Josey's possessions.

For the last few days since our episode our landlord makes comments like "you know your shoes can go in that cubby over there." Or, "I noticed that you are using your paint supplies on the table without a tablecloth." Now these things take a while to sink in because we are struggling with the language barrier. But when they do, they sink deep...

I turn 42 in a matter of a few days and the reality is sinking in. The way many Americans experience home is "stuff." This is hard to admit. I do not have my stuff. This dos not feel like home.

What I have is:

peace

joy

self worth

Jesus

But...home? I do not have that...

You are Beautiful

2010-06-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

Came across this video via the Lovely Vivienne.

Great reminder for me as I walk through these last days of 41.

I would love to hear what you think.

Halfway to Home

2010-06-14T05:05:00.000-07:00

The first call is ALWAYS to Ryan Michael (the home we stay at we are in the States)

The second call is ALWAYS to her best friend Noelle.

We are halfway through our second 3 month living arrangement here in Germany. This time when we head home, we will stay for three months in order to stay in compliance with visa regulations.

As I have discussed in other posts, the pull is a strong one. Either stay here and be with daddy but without friends or community. Or go home and be without daddy. Those hard choices that you do not want your children to have to endure.

The other day we sat watching a movie and Josey says in betwen sips of chocolate milk,

"I'm really disappointed mom, I want to go home..." This is hard stuff, folks.

E.L.O. and me: A Story of Community

2010-06-08T05:36:00.000-07:00

photo credit

My husband and I share the same iPod library. Sometimes that is a good thing. I was familiar with most of the music he listened to. E.L.O. was not one of my favorites..

But, I noticed twice in the last couple of weeks that when the song "Livin' Thing" would shuffle into the mix, I felt myself overcome with emotion. The second time it happened, I actually started to cry.

What the heck is this about?

So... I looked up the words check them out here

Nothing too terribly dramatic...And of course I have heard the song before many times...

when I was growing up around the age of twelve.

Twelve years old. I had a little bit of freedom during that time. I had friends I could hang out with and my mom actually let me go to my first movie WITHOUT HER. Before that, if I wanted to go anywhere, I would have to take one of my sisters-EVEN to parties. But for that particular year, I had COMMUNITY.

Shortly thereafter, my parents separated and later divorced and we were uprooted from home and family in Michigan to live where we knew NO ONE in Arizona. I have struggled with community ever since.

This band, E.L.O. is my husband’s favorite band. He tells me stories about playing the music every night as he went to sleep. I asked him the other day which years do you remember doing that. He said he was thirteen-we are one year apart in age.
Interesting how life shrinks the older we get. Not just in regards to the time we have left to live. But in terms of all those little moments when we realize we were partaking in community THOUGH WE DID NOT know it yet…

Leaving Here soon...

2010-06-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

I am wrapping up my final days of 41. I am amazed at what an incredible decade the 40's is turning out to be for me. I am trying to quantify the growth and the change I have experienced this year. The reality is that so much of my life is packaged in this blog. And I am grateful for the journey AND for the documentation.

Currently Reading: Three Cups of Tea

2010-06-04T04:28:00.000-07:00

This is the year I decided to make small changes in my life to contribute to bringing about peace and community in the world. I blogged a bit about how this led to a fund raiser I do READ ABOUT IT HERE

"Three Cups of Tea" is a book I have been wanting to read. I attended a huge flea market on the base and now I have zero excuses...

Any thoughts or blogs that you can pass along?

Blackbird, Fly...

2010-06-01T23:14:00.000-07:00

Something I came across during the Flying Lessons e-course I am taking right now...

May 31, 2010 at 1130am in Germany

2010-05-31T23:41:00.000-07:00

Experiencing more rain and windy overcast days, but we HAD TO GET OUT....

O.K. I HAD TO GET OUT....

(P.S. car in the driveway is the landlord's; we live in the basement. It is

52 degrees....)

Our Weekend with Emeril (yes, THE Emeril!)

2010-05-31T02:15:00.000-07:00

Can you see him? (This is Josey and me in the bottom right)

The crowd was manageable for the morning booksigning. But as the time approached for the cooking demonstration... INCREDIBLE amounts of people. We did not stay but the energy of the people there was fun to experience. And I do miss watching The Food Network…

A personal thanks to Emeril for coming out. It was a privilege to have you honor the troops by spending some of Memorial Day Weekend here with the service members at Ramstein and Landstuhl.

The Work and The Rest

2010-05-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Working out this idea of rest and the "slow life" on the mat this week

Found myself gravitating to the following movements (aka "flow" or "vinyasa")

Top of a push up
hovering at the bottom of push up ( aka chatarunga)
Top of a push up
child's pose

Moving into each movement with the flow of the breath

The correlation between work and rest

The balance between my part in life's activities and God's movement

photo credit here

Golf: Another Lesson in the SLOW LIFE

2010-05-26T04:54:00.000-07:00

We were flat out giddy about being able to play outside this past weekend. We had come across a miniature golf course while visiting HERE

Here’s hubby making sure we keep it legit (or could it be he wanted to make sure and note his HOLE-IN-1 right out the gate? Hmm…)

This outing unwittingly coincides with my theme lately: the slow life. 18 holes of golf in the midst of teaching a little one WHO ALREADY KNOWS how to play… ah yesss….

But it is in this SLOW LIFE, my purpose is defining ME….

Combing Hair and ReWriting History

2010-05-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

My hubby happened to snap these pics while I was doing an ordinary "mommy" duty...

I really love doing it....

This was something I never looked forward to when I was a little girl. There were four of us and my mom did not know how to work with my hair and she had no idea how much it hurt for her to comb it.

But I remember….

And I use this time as a act of love,

A moment for bonding

Another means to re-write history…

Snails and the SLOW Life

2010-05-21T22:25:00.000-07:00

This week has been filled with lots of rain and lots of reminders....

No matter what is happening with the business

The ten day break I took from the crochet hook and from technology definitely put me on pace for a Slow Life… How easily and HOW QUICKLY that gets tested…

Psalm 107: 35 – GOD turned the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs

Dandelions and Simple Things

2010-05-18T02:47:00.000-07:00

Stayed close to home this weekend because the rain kept threatening to make an appearance

The beauty of living in Germany is That you can drive about ten minutes and find a hiking trail that leads to a castle

The dandelions we picked along the trails are speaking to me

Psalm 85:12-“The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest”

Though many people see weeds….

I see Simplicity

Elegance

Beauty

An Invitation to take it slow….

(Finding) Songs of Joy

2010-05-14T03:04:00.000-07:00

Psalm 51: 12-"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me" (Old Testament, the Bible)

Those silent expectations tucked way down deep get tested when you are placed in a new space. I attribute my struggle in Germany over the last few months to these hidden agendas. I felt myself growing anxious as I got on the plane headed for much needed face time with people back home in Arizona. The dread of coming back here to Germany was overwhelming...

But while I was away I gained PERSPECTIVE. I faced the realities that many of my disppointments stemmed from what I EXPECTED when I said “yes” to this adventure. So, I am back here in Germany a bit under the weather and days of gloomy weather and cold contrasting beautiful HOT Arizona days...

And I am content.

Credit for Joy pic

GLEE!!!

2010-04-29T00:31:00.000-07:00

Going home to:

refresh

regroup

renew

Be back soon...

The Leaves on the Trees Brighten (ME)

2010-04-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

Just last week we walked through this forest area and the leaves did not seem as brilliantly green as they were on the outing this morning. Time and again I find I let myself get way too run down, way too strung out, way too sad -I want to just undo all the good things that I have going on around me. But time has taught me to:

Hold my tongue
Cry
Be Silent
Talk a walk
Walk with my little girl AND WATCH HER

Maybe the forest changed OR....

Mama Whales got it Going on!

2010-04-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

About a month ago the family watched a show about whales. A certain type of whale in a certain country (vague I know) ANYWAY...

The mama whale has to move into shallow waters with the baby whale while the baby whale becomes strong enough to survive before it can go out with the rest of the group.

The mama whale has to sustain herself without food or connection for 5-8 months.

TWO THINGS:

1. 1. YES, the babes are worth the sacrifice

2. I did get to eat!

Ever Feel Like This?

2010-04-21T23:48:00.000-07:00

Recommended Reading: "Finding Water: The Art of Perserverance" by Julia Cameron

Recommended Action: Prayer with the Psalms, in the Old Testament of the Bible